Under the Night Lights.
Last night I sat in the hammock that hangs under our big rubber tree and under the garden lights (it wasn’t much of a starry night 
) and started thinking about my future and where I’m headed. Deep thoughts, huh? I thought these blues would go away after my birthday, but I think it was more than just birthday blues. I guess it’s, as Paulo Coehlo put it, Closing Cycles. I’m at that point in my life where I have to let go of things to embrace new things. As he put it
“Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.”
Pardon me if I got that wrong or may have not put it in exact words. You know how these email things circulate. I was just really blessed that that particular email landed in my inbox because it reminds me that things really do change and when they do, they may cause a shifting of sands under your feet. That’s where I am right now. I am feeling the insecure about the fact that I still have not finished my masters degree, and by the looks of it, it’s not really for me. While I am loving my writing jobs now, I can’t help but thing I left one door unclosed and I don’t know what to do with it. For one, do I really need to close it? At times I feel okay with my decision about just leaving it be, but when I see my friends progress in their lives, either academically, professionally or romantically, I feel regret and sad about my decision. I guess I’m just not yet at peace with my decisions yet…but I know I will be. I just gotta figure out where these cycles are going, where they close and what are opening for me right now.
