i am woman, hear me rawr!

It has officially begun…the Starbucks Christmas Craziness Every year, like clockwork, I go all gaga over the holiday promos and beverages of Starbucks, and more importantly, I get all excited for the annual planner Starbucks offers.

This is one of five planner designs available this year. I’m so thankful to my friends because they helped me get this quite quickly! Hehe. I admit that I do not really get to use the planners much because I’m not much of a planner, so to speak, but I do have this extensive Starbucks collection. I have about 80 Starbucks mugs and tumblers from all over the world and of course, the yearly planners since 2005. They’re all kept in the cupboard at home but soon they’ll need more space! I wish I had one of those glass cases like in schools that can hold those  sports trophies so I can display them properly. As for now, the cupboards got to do

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The only thing that I can think of to explain my crazy little Joe’s behavior is that he’s discombobulated. Either that or he’s just plain old stoopid. Har.

Seriously….my Bubba never gave me this much trouble. In the last three weeks or so look what he’s chewed on:

Let’s not forget the pair of Havianas, the red shoes, and x number of pencils he has chewed on. Oh…and my leggings that I went to school with that had holes in them apparently. Duh.

Today he bit of Baby Jesus’ head from our little altar. Sigh. Hehe.

I got to thinking why he seems so hard to train, or perhaps where in the process I am going wrong in housebreaking him. Up to now, he still is minimally housebroken and he chews on EVERYTHING.

My mom says I have to discipline him more consistently. The thing is, I DO! Every time I catch him doing something like chew on my phone or nibble on wires, I spank him and punish him. The thing is I think I give him mixed signals. After I scold him, I give him a bit of a punishment and then later on, I give him something to chew on, like a chew toy or the like. Maybe he’s not getting the idea that there are some things that CAN be chewed on and others that CANNOT be chewed on.

Maybe because I allow him to chew on them in the first place, he thinks the act is okay.Thus I place him in a state of discombobulation…on one hand I say no but on the other, I say yes. Ewan. Basta all I know is that I don’t know what to do right now   Send me Cesar Milan please.

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I fell asleep in my savasana today and found myself in a pretty, pretty open field. It was lush green and beautiful. Somewhere off from the field was a waterfall, I couldn’t see it much, but I could hear it playing it’s music. Then I saw me in the middle of that field, sitting in a lotus pose under the radiant glow of the sun.

And then a quiet voice whispered to me

Through your practice you have learned to root like a tree
You have found how to bend like bamboo
You have allowed yourself to flow like the water
You have felt yourself float like a cloud and release to the earth
You have spread your wings like a bird and soared to the sky
You have even discovered that it is indeed possible to be still in the middle of the storm.

It’s about time, however, you learn to be like  a lotus.
Like a lotus you can radiantly bloom even in the muddiest of waters
so stop wishing that things were clearer, or that you be somewhere else
because you are exactly where you are supposed to be
and what you have is exactly enough.

Just before class I had posted a status in my Facebook wall that said “today I wish… ” I hadn’t written down what it was I was wishing for, because it felt too grand and so I thought I’d keep it to myself. But the Universe knew better, I suppose, and reminded me that I need not wish for more because I have what I need right here, right now.

In the words shared by my teacher, svaha…so be it.

Oh the wonderfully beautiful things that happen in yoga class, I tell ya

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Sometime ago I wrote a post about this pair of stilettos I fell in love with. I wrote about how, despite the pain it would give me, I kept wearing it every chance I got. Then one day I told a friend of mine that maybe it was time to get rid of those shoes and replace them instead. They hurt too much already, I had said.

Nothing brings more pain than too much pleasure - Benjamin Franklin

She wisely replied that sometimes you just need to put it aside and give your feet a break from it and not really throw them away or discard them. Maybe after a recovery period, she goes, the shoes won’t hurt so much. That made sense, after all, stilettos do tend to be unkind to the feet. And so I took her advice and lovingly placed those favorite pair of stilettos in its box and set it aside for the meantime.

And then I forgot about it.

Last week, however, I was rummaging for something to wear and came across those stilettos again and decided to wear it once more. It felt a little funny at first, to have them on my feet, but after some time, it did bring that warm feeling back to me and it made me smile. I wore those shoes the whole day and noticed that they didn’t hurt as bad anymore.

But then I made the mistake of wearing it three days in a row and then remembered why I put it aside in the first place. Maybe my friend was right when she said sometimes, we have those shoes that we wear once in a while but must not overuse as the feet need a time out to recover a day or two from wearing it.

And so for now, I put aside those shoes again, but not inside the box this time, but just on my shoe rack. That way I won’t forget it is there for me to enjoy every once in a while. But yes, this time I will remember not to wear out the pleasure it brings by forcing it upon my feet way too often. In the wise words of Benjamin Franklin, nothing brings more pain than too much pleasure.

I guess I was reminded today today is that maybe I should wear different shoes more often. Sometimes the occasion calls for a new pair of shoes, sometimes it allows for a reunion with an old one that was once very much loved. Sometimes, too, there is a need to just wear flip flops or something that offers casual comfort, just like an old friend.

Much as those pretty stilettos brings my much pleasure (and yes, I do enjoy the attention it brings!), I set myself up for pain in the end. Maybe if I wore them less often and in the right time (yes, I used to wear my stilettos even for preschool teaching, obviously not very wise, right?), they wouldn’t break as easily or hurt my feet so badly.

And yes, maybe if I gave my feet a break from those shoes more often, then maybe, just maybe, I can find myself walking through the day better.

Photo credit: “if the shoe fits” by Steven Leggett, c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved

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Nothing brings more pain than too much pleasure - Benjamin Franklin

Sometime ago I wrote a post about this pair of stilettos I fell in love with. I wrote about how, despite the pain it would give me, I kept wearing it every chance I got. Then one day I told a friend of mine that maybe it was time to get rid of those shoes and replace them instead. They hurt too much already, I had said.

She wisely replied that sometimes you just need to put it aside and give your feet a break from it and not really throw them away or discard them. Maybe after a recovery period, she goes, the shoes won’t hurt so much.  That made sense, after all, stilettos do tend to be unkind to the feet. And so I took her advice and lovingly placed those favorite pair of stilettos in its box and set it aside for the meantime.

And then I forgot about it.

Last week, however, I was rummaging for something to wear and came across those stilettos again and decided to wear it once more. It felt a little funny at first, to have them on my feet, but after some time, it did bring that warm feeling back to me and it made me smile. I wore those shoes the whole day and noticed that they didn’t hurt as bad anymore.

But then I made the mistake of wearing it three days in a row and then remembered why I put it aside in the first place. Maybe my friend was right when she said sometimes, we have those shoes that we wear once in a while but must not overuse as the feet need a time out to recover a day or two from wearing it.

And so for now, I put aside those shoes again, but not inside the box this time, but just on my shoe rack. That way I won’t forget it is there for me to enjoy every once in a while. But yes, this time I will remember not to wear out the pleasure it brings by forcing it upon my feet way too often.  In the wise words of Benjamin Franklin, nothing brings more pain than too much pleasure.

I guess I was reminded today today is that maybe I should wear different shoes more often. Sometimes the occasion calls for a new pair of shoes, sometimes it allows for a reunion with an old one that was once very much loved. Sometimes, too, there is a need to just wear flip flops or something that offers casual comfort, just like an old friend.

Much as those pretty stilettos brings my much pleasure (and yes, I do enjoy the attention it brings!), I set myself up for pain in the end. Maybe if I wore them less often and in the right time (yes, I used to wear my stilettos even for preschool teaching, obviously not very wise, right?), they wouldn’t break as easily or hurt my feet so badly.

And yes, maybe if I gave my feet a break from those shoes more often, then maybe, just maybe, I can find myself walking through the day better.

Photo credit: “if the shoe fits” by Steven Leggett, c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved

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Throughout the month of September I had Green Day’s song in my head. I don’t know what it is about September, but it seems (looking back) that I often find myself in shifting sands at this time of the year. Maybe its the sudden shift to the chilly weather, or perhaps, as a friend of mine pointed out, the fact that there is no pause between first and second terms in the school I teach in so there’s no time to get my head above water before plunging in again. Anyway, this September was extra difficult too, as I had that monkey on my back (aka the thesis) to contend with right? And so I found myself caught in extra deep waters for quite some time and the only thing I knew was that if I made it through September, I’d be fine.

So finally, September did end and I was really glad I got to end it with a yin yoga session that allowed me to get my head on back straight.  The next day, I went back to yoga class and told my vinyasa teacher that finally, I found my sunshine. I went on to say that I did know that I was still in that deep water and that the troubles that plagued me and the difficulties around me were still the same, but that I finally knew better…that despite that I was able to get my head above water and take a looooong deep breath that allowed me to gain clarity.

And so to usher in a fresh start, I decided to cut off all the old and restart. Literally.

I walked into a salon yesterday hair like this.

I told the hairdresser to chop it all off. He gave me this “oh-my-gawd-what-are-you-thinking???” look and asked me thrice if I was sure. I said yes. He asked why. I said I didn’t know and that it was just time.

And so he chopped. And I walked out with this…

“Change is not pleasant, But change is constant. Only when we change and grow, We’ll see a world we never know.” ~From Wisdom of The Orange Woodpecker

As I left I told him, in the words of Meredith Grey, sometimes change is good. Oh, sometimes, change is…everything.

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There used to be a place where I would hideaway whenever my soul would feel tired and weary. However, last December, I had to bid my heart’s home farewell. I did realize, however, that even if the place was gone and things had changed, what it had brought to my life would never, ever change.

Despite that realization, however, I must admit that there are moments in time when I need to take a time out from the hustle and bustle of life to take a time out and just converse with my soul. While my beach weekends always brought me back to the core of me, I realized that these short trips I would take to just listen were just as meaningful to me. Last year after a particularly painful period of my life, I took a little road trip to Bag of Beans in Tagaytay and there I found the peace I was looking for. The drive, and everything that happened during the drive and in my brief stay there, really brought so much growth and healing to me. Since then I had found myself driving back to that coffee shop several times and each time I did,  I took away such precious gifts from it.

About two weeks ago, I found myself with that same restlessness once again and so I did what felt right. Right after yoga class, I got into my car and drove. I didn’t think I would end up in Bag of Beans (I had wanted to sit by the water in Nuvali instead and feed the koi) but the old familiar stirring in me just kept at it and so I went all the way to Tagaytay.

When I got there I was a wee bit disappointed because once more, they had rearranged the place and things were not the same. Not that it wasn’t nice, but I was looking for the comfort of the familiar. Sure there were bits and pieces that were the same, the food and hot chocolate was just as yummy, but still there was something different. I sat there for a good three hours,  occasionally having a tear or two roll down my cheeks, just listening to my soul and having my heart warmed with a few messages and reminders from some very special people in my life.

After about three hours, it suddenly started to rain, and I took that as a sign to pack up and leave. I left Bag of Beans less settled than I usually do and I tried to let that be but I guess I wasn’t paying too close attention to what it was telling me and because of it I messed up so many other important things around me by saying stupid things and doing things I knew better not to do. But then now, I guess, all I can say is I’m deeply, deeply sorry and that while I can never take it back (after all, as the saying goes, you can’t un-ring a bell), I can try to move forward and learn from those mistakes. It isn’t easy learning, but I’m sure I’ll get it someday.

In the meantime, I have to remind myself that sometimes, things just have to change. Perhaps that’s what my soul was trying to tell me that day I went to Bag of Beans and felt annoyed at the change that the place had once again. It was reminding me that I can’t always hold on so tightly to the familiar and keep running back to it when things aren’t good. In the same way, it was telling me that although there are certain facets that may change, what is essential, good and true, that remains steadfast and real, as long as I let it.

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

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Woke up a wee bit flu-ish today. I say flu-ish because I technically don’t have a fever, but I feel all warm and icky on the inside. Plus I have a migraine And my tummy hurts. Sigh.

Yes, I’m complaining again. I really should work on the not complaining better, I know, I know. Then again, isn’t it that blogging to release emotions or just to vent can be a good thing (according to my research’s review of literature that is, hehe). So yes, my brain is all loopy and I can barely think straight but I have a lecture to prepare for tomorrows 8am class. Can’t I just teach my classes via audio conference calls tomorrow? Keep me in my little bubble please. I’m germ-infested. Hehe.

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