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Archive for the ‘Life Lessons’ Category

Exactly Enough

I fell asleep in my savasana today and found myself in a pretty, pretty open field. It was lush green and beautiful. Somewhere off from the field was a waterfall, I couldn’t see it much, but I could hear it playing it’s music. Then I saw me in the middle of that field, sitting in a lotus pose under the radiant glow of the sun.

And then a quiet voice whispered to me

Through your practice you have learned to root like a tree
You have found how to bend like bamboo
You have allowed yourself to flow like the water
You have felt yourself float like a cloud and release to the earth
You have spread your wings like a bird and soared to the sky
You have even discovered that it is indeed possible to be still in the middle of the storm.

It’s about time, however, you learn to be like  a lotus.
Like a lotus you can radiantly bloom even in the muddiest of waters
so stop wishing that things were clearer, or that you be somewhere else
because you are exactly where you are supposed to be
and what you have is exactly enough.

:)

Just before class I had posted a status in my Facebook wall that said “today I wish… :)” I hadn’t written down what it was I was wishing for, because it felt too grand and so I thought I’d keep it to myself. But the Universe knew better, I suppose, and reminded me that I need not wish for more because I have what I need right here, right now.

In the words shared by my teacher, svaha…so be it.

Oh the wonderfully beautiful things that happen in yoga class, I tell ya :)

 

Sometimes, Things Just Have to Change

There used to be a place where I would hideaway whenever my soul would feel tired and weary. However, last December, I had to bid my heart’s home farewell. I did realize, however, that even if the place was gone and things had changed, what it had brought to my life would never, ever change.

Despite that realization, however, I must admit that there are moments in time when I need to take a time out from the hustle and bustle of life to take a time out and just converse with my soul. While my beach weekends always brought me back to the core of me, I realized that these short trips I would take to just listen were just as meaningful to me. Last year after a particularly painful period of my life, I took a little road trip to Bag of Beans in Tagaytay and there I found the peace I was looking for. The drive, and everything that happened during the drive and in my brief stay there, really brought so much growth and healing to me. Since then I had found myself driving back to that coffee shop several times and each time I did,  I took away such precious gifts from it.

About two weeks ago, I found myself with that same restlessness once again and so I did what felt right. Right after yoga class, I got into my car and drove. I didn’t think I would end up in Bag of Beans (I had wanted to sit by the water in Nuvali instead and feed the koi) but the old familiar stirring in me just kept at it and so I went all the way to Tagaytay.

When I got there I was a wee bit disappointed because once more, they had rearranged the place and things were not the same. Not that it wasn’t nice, but I was looking for the comfort of the familiar. Sure there were bits and pieces that were the same, the food and hot chocolate was just as yummy, but still there was something different. I sat there for a good three hours,  occasionally having a tear or two roll down my cheeks, just listening to my soul and having my heart warmed with a few messages and reminders from some very special people in my life.

After about three hours, it suddenly started to rain, and I took that as a sign to pack up and leave. I left Bag of Beans less settled than I usually do and I tried to let that be but I guess I wasn’t paying too close attention to what it was telling me and because of it I messed up so many other important things around me by saying stupid things and doing things I knew better not to do. But then now, I guess, all I can say is I’m deeply, deeply sorry and that while I can never take it back (after all, as the saying goes, you can’t un-ring a bell), I can try to move forward and learn from those mistakes. It isn’t easy learning, but I’m sure I’ll get it someday.

In the meantime, I have to remind myself that sometimes, things just have to change. Perhaps that’s what my soul was trying to tell me that day I went to Bag of Beans and felt annoyed at the change that the place had once again. It was reminding me that I can’t always hold on so tightly to the familiar and keep running back to it when things aren’t good. In the same way, it was telling me that although there are certain facets that may change, what is essential, good and true, that remains steadfast and real, as long as I let it.

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

How Did Life Get So Complicated?

Every once in a while I just find myself asking just that…it’s like one day I woke up and suddenly, everything was different. Everything was just so darned complicated.

But I guess that’s what it means to grow up, right? And so today I will borrow the words of Steve Jobs and remind myself that somewhere down the line, all this complicated mess will  make sense.

And so I will close my eyes, take a deep breath and just believe in that.

‎"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something -- your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect along the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you away from the well-worn path. And that will make all the difference." -Steve Jobs

Desiderata

Yesterday a dear, dear friend of mine offered me such wise words, as she very often does. While it may not be hers per se, it helped to be reminded of  to go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and that there is peace in silence, and that while things may be difficult, to be at peace with all of the chaos that surrounds, knowing that despite all of this, it is still a beautiful world. And that there is reason to keep striving to be happy.

Yes, she reminded me of Max Ehrmann’s Desiderata.

And the part that meant the most to me was this…

Desiderata

Yes, Tink, be kind to yourself. Be still and know that despite feeling like you’re caught in the eye of a storm, everything is unfolding the way it should.  Remember that always :)

 

 

 

In Transition

In the past month or so, I have come to accepting one thing: that I am in a stage of transition, lost somewhere between here and there, not knowing exactly where I am.

I'm that person who belongs neither here nor there, just floating in between. - author unknown

When it really started, I guess I don’t know, but I do realize that I have gotten to the point when I can say I cannot keep on being where I am or being too focused on the end goal alone. As my yoga teachers always say when I’m trying to learn a new asana: keep in mind that the destination or the final pose is not the only thing that matters, but that the journey to that asana is just as essential.

For the longest time I have been struggling with that: appreciating the ride to that final destination, that is. Although I must admit, I had welcomed the year with so much excitement and anticipation. What I did not realize, however, is that I had started out with so much expectations and a set of seemingly well-planned ideas that left very little for change, spontaneity, and in essence, for winds that blow elsewhere. As such, whenever I’d find myself in places where I did not expect to be, it would be difficult for me to respond. It doesn’t help too that finances are tight (maybe giving up my preschool job was not the brightest idea…haha) nor does it help that the economy isn’t getting any better. Writing my thesis (or at least trying to) isn’t helping much either, at this point in time. I just feel stuck, caught between that proverbial rock and a hard place, with no way out. Read the rest of this entry »

Growing Up

I  think the theme of the past month for me has really been about growing up. It’s been quite a challenge, I must say. I have been thinking about making serious changes in my life and I guess this is really what growing up is all about, right?

For one, I am seriously trying to think about the current state of my finances. I realized I don’t make very wise spending choices.  And so I am thinking about checking out investing in those insurance plans and so I’m checking out sites like Wholesaleinsurance.net. My colleagues from the clinic I work in are also set to meet with someone to talk about investments. This might be a good thing for me, right? I should really stop shopping for clothe and eating out and the like and so this might be a good option.

I’m also seriously making changes in terms of my educational status. It’s been overwhelmingly difficult to get started, but I’m really hoping to make better strides this week (so help me God!).

Lastly, I am trying out this whole “keeping my mouth shut” kinda thing. I realized I often blurt out things without thinking about it (yes, quite like an impulsive child) and so, as a friend once told me, I’m finally learning how to be still and silent.

I will admit, however, that from time to time, this growing up thing can be exhausting…

Sometimes, All You Need to Do Is Ask

In as much as dreams terrify me, there are some that simply make so many things so clear to me. In the past two weeks I have been dreaming a whole lot and yes, there were those days wherein I’d wake up with my heart racing and I’d be in tears from such terrible nightmares. Today, however, I took an unexpected nap and had quite an interesting dream.

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow".- Mary Anne Radmacher

In my dream, I woke up to a beautiful day. One that was so perfect for a yoga practice. That morning, I decided to try something new for a change, and so I went somewhere I didn’t really know and allowed myself to face a challenge. I drove to this beautiful place (I don’t know where it is and I don’t really know if it exists in real life). On the way there I was a little apprehensive, mainly because I didn’t know where it was but on the other hand, I was very excited because I was supposed to meet someone when I got there (who, I don’t really know but I felt that I was excited about it). I got there a little early, as I always do whenever I go out to do things and everything went well. When it was time to go home, I was tasked to follow this lady (who strangely seemed to me like Wonder Woman, except for the costume haha) and I had to be attached to her with this string that was wrapped around her waist and then connected to mine. As we walked, I felt that string get heavier and heavier and as we walked, she kept on going faster and faster and I couldn’t keep up. From time to time, I’d lean back so as to pull on the strap that connected us to slow her down and for a bit, she would but then she’d speed up again soon afterward, and she’d go so fast again until I could barely stand up because of the strap between us. And so I pulled and I pulled and I pulled until she turned to me angrily and said what the hell is the problem and I, cowering in fear, only had one word to say…I’m sorry. That got her even more riled up and she asked again what the problem was and why was I pulling her back because she was losing her balance when I’d do so. I tearfully explained that I couldn’t keep up and she looked at the way the strap was connected and said, you know, all you had to do was tell me to slow down and I would have. Suddenly that string that was so heavy and long already suddenly became very short and light. So much so that I didn’t have much to hold on to anymore, but we were still connected. At this time, we walked almost side by side then when I looked up at her, her face had changed…. she wasn’t like Wonder Woman anymore but she was this warm, kind woman, very much like a yoga teacher I once met, who had a beautiful smile and had warmth radiating in her eyes. She no longer looked like that physically strong domineering woman, but neither was she a weak and frail one. And she turned to me and said, remember, sometimes all you need to do is ask. Read the rest of this entry »

The Butterfly Effect

I spent the afternoon at the Ateneo med school and I couldn’t help but wonder where I’d be now if I had pursued my dreams of becoming a doctor, as I originally planned when I stepped foot in college. It’s not that I regret becoming an educator and a psychologist, mind you, but I couldn’t help but think to myself, what if as I sat there watching these students come in and out in their white uniforms and all. It got me to thinking, about how vastly different things would be. Would I be happier and more content, perhaps? Would I feel more fulfilled and sure of myself? Will the questions and uncertainties that all too often gnaw at me nowadays be the same? Will I perhaps be less of the kikay fashionista that I am and be dressed in more sensible outfits? In the same breath, would my heels and penchant for dangly earrings, chunky necklaces and tanzanite rings be replaced with simple flats and pearls instead? Would I have shunned my creative self for the more logical self in me, perhaps? More so, would I love the me I would be more than the me I am now?

I guess I’ll never know, right? And perhaps there is no one answer to that. It’s just interesting that these thoughts came right at the heels of a nightmare that really threw me off yesterday. Add to that, on the way to yoga class when I woke up, I was listening to the Morning Rush on RX 93.1 as I often do and something the DJ’s said caught my ear. They were talking about the butterfly effect and how a simple fluttering of a butterfly’s wings can cause ripples that affect even a world away. It resonated so much with my dream where I did something so randomly and it caused a great ripple effect that changed the course of soooo many things.

So today as I sat there, watching the students, observing their little differences and admiring their shoes and bags, thinking to myself how all these little things, if changed for one reason or another, can alter the course of so many other things. Random thoughts, I know. Serves me right for not sleeping too well, I suppose haha.

At the end of the day, however, one thing became clear to me. I do have no regrets about the choices I’ve made, even if they aren’t always pleasant and fun. I guess at the end of it all, despite all the twists and turns, in spite of all the ups and downs, and even if I find myself gaining weight or with goldfish eyes every now and then, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. I may not like it at times, after all is said and done, I guess I do like where I am.

I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am. ~Sylvia Plath

 

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