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Archive for the ‘It’s All About Me’ Category

Forever and Happily Ever After

Back in the day when I believed in fairy tales, love at first sight and forever-happily-ever-after, I started a little project. I decided I wanted to make a quilt, one to lay on a baby’s crib.

Suffice it to say there hasn’t been a crib, save for that purple plastic box lined with old towels and rags when Joe arrived. And so I packed away that dream of a pretty little quilt for a teeny tiny bed and forgot completely about it. Granted it took a long, long, LONG time to forget about that particular dream (perhaps more like the ideal picture of that dream), but eventually, I did forget. I never did stop dreaming of the baby, I must admit, but the image of the family in my head I did  let go off eventually.

Today as I was weeding out my closet, tucked in a little box in the corner that I hadn’t seen in say, four years or so since I packed it away there, I came across the little project I had started.

Hmmm….When I first saw it, I drew in a sharp breath and well, to be honest, didn’t know how to feel about it. Was I happy, was I sad, was I hurt?? I dunno…seriously. But after taking in several deep breaths, I looked through what I had done and felt myself smile a bit. And as I browsed through the pieces, I got a text message from my friend saying my new bed is due to arrive on Saturday. Maybe it’s time to see this project through…it may not be for a baby’s crib, but maybe it was meant for me, to remind me to keep on dreaming, and more so, to believe that, although forever’s aren’t always forever and happily ever afters aren’t always the way you think or imagine they are, dreams do come true…somehow, someday, in the way that’s just right for you.

And the thing is, you’ll never know till you get there. So just keep dreaming, Ri, keep dreaming and stop packing it up in boxes when it doesn’t work out.

random comment….I was tamad to fix the exposure of the shots hehe…it looks better in person, I promise :)

 

My Ultimate Me Date (Thus Far)

One of my most favorite things to do is to go the beach alone. If ever I’d have company, it would be Bubba. But being alone in the beach, just sitting under the sun and watching the water and just listening to the quiet in my head, has been the most wonderful thing I have discovered over the past three or four years.

Lately, since I have limited time and a not-so-flexible budget, I have learned to substitute my solo beach trip to random me dates. At first I would go out of my way to go to places where there wouldn’t be too many people, after all, asking for a table for one in a restaurant usually raises a few eyebrows. But I have learned to enjoy it quite a bit. Sometimes I go on a margarita me date, or perhaps sit in Bag of Beans with just my sketchpad and some pencils, and so on and so forth.

Yesterday, however, I had the ultimate me date thus far….I caught my favorite singer’s concert on my own. It was a strange feeling at first, admittedly, and I came really, really close to not doing it but a friend of mine convinced me to go and she went on to say it would be quite liberating to actually do that. And she was right :)

Sure it would have been more fun to have had a friend along, but I realized that if I didn’t go and missed out on the concert (which I PRAYED for for SOOOO long!) that would make me more of a loser than having to have gone alone, right? It was a blast :)

I’ve written about Lenka several times already and in those posts I said that her music is just so happy and bubbly and you can’t help but smile when you hear it. Yes, even the songs that are kinda “sad” sound very, very optimistic and cheery.

So last night was an ultimate challenge thus far and I must say, it was well worth it. Happy happy joy joy.

Oh, and I have a new favorite song :)


 

Exactly Enough

I fell asleep in my savasana today and found myself in a pretty, pretty open field. It was lush green and beautiful. Somewhere off from the field was a waterfall, I couldn’t see it much, but I could hear it playing it’s music. Then I saw me in the middle of that field, sitting in a lotus pose under the radiant glow of the sun.

And then a quiet voice whispered to me

Through your practice you have learned to root like a tree
You have found how to bend like bamboo
You have allowed yourself to flow like the water
You have felt yourself float like a cloud and release to the earth
You have spread your wings like a bird and soared to the sky
You have even discovered that it is indeed possible to be still in the middle of the storm.

It’s about time, however, you learn to be like  a lotus.
Like a lotus you can radiantly bloom even in the muddiest of waters
so stop wishing that things were clearer, or that you be somewhere else
because you are exactly where you are supposed to be
and what you have is exactly enough.

:)

Just before class I had posted a status in my Facebook wall that said “today I wish… :)” I hadn’t written down what it was I was wishing for, because it felt too grand and so I thought I’d keep it to myself. But the Universe knew better, I suppose, and reminded me that I need not wish for more because I have what I need right here, right now.

In the words shared by my teacher, svaha…so be it.

Oh the wonderfully beautiful things that happen in yoga class, I tell ya :)

 

Happy Accidents

Today I ran into the girl with the purple feather in her hair and when she saw me with my short hair for the first time, she did a double take and exclaimed, “miss, what happened???” (she was a former student of mine, hence the miss). She goes on to say “it’s nice, but, whhhyyyy?????”. I just smiled back at her and she says, “I see….happy accident?”

Again, I simply smiled and said nothing else.

That simple conversation (if I can call it that) stuck with me the rest of the day and I got to thinking, yes, perhaps this hair cut is one of those happy accidents I tend to have. As I told the girl with the purple feather once when she had asked me about life and why crappy things happen to people, it just happens. It just does. Just because.

It’s kinda like an accident….you don’t mean for it to happen, you don’t plan for it to occur, nor do you wish it comes. It just does. The thing is, no matter how random, difficult, painful, shameful, or negative the accident was, somewhere down the line, you’ll be able to find something of value in that accident.

They're funny things, Accidents. You never have them till you're having them. - Eeyore, Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne

She didn’t seem to believe me at first, but when I told her all the good things that have come my way — my teaching jobs (both in the preschool and college), my enrollment in the graduate school program, the course I ended up with in college, blogging, yoga, and even the people I have met — all came from accidents, she kinda got what I meant.

None of those things were in my life plan. They just happened. Admittedly these were the more happy accidents I had encountered, but even those accidents that hurt to bits, all brought something good somehow.  Yeah it may take some time to see the good, but eventually I did.

So yeah, maybe cutting my hair was an accident to begin with. It was a random whim I did without knowing why. Sometimes when I look at the mirror and see my reflection without the long curly locks I had, I feel a wee bit sad and nostalgic and wish I hadn’t done it. But then I realize there’s no use wishing that because it’s over. It’s done. There’s no taking it back. As the saying goes, there’s no use crying over spilled milk, right?

I do know, however, sometimes when you spill that proverbial glass of milk, it’s okay to cry a little bit the because it happened. After all, it still is a form of a loss, right? But yes, there really is no use crying over the milk that had spilled because there’s no way you can un-spill it.

However, there are three things you can do after you accidentally spill that milk.

One, you can pour another glass of milk and try again.

Two, you can sure as hell either mop it up and redeem yourself.

And three, you can look closely at the secret picture this little puddle can bring. If you look close enough, it may just surprise you.

Oh…perhaps there’s one more thing you can do…a bit of all three. Then, perhaps, you can understand that it was a happy accident after all.

Photo: “Don’t cry over spilled milk” by Eric Hart, c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved

 

Old Shoe, New Shoe

Sometime ago I wrote a post about this pair of stilettos I fell in love with. I wrote about how, despite the pain it would give me, I kept wearing it every chance I got. Then one day I told a friend of mine that maybe it was time to get rid of those shoes and replace them instead. They hurt too much already, I had said.

Nothing brings more pain than too much pleasure - Benjamin Franklin

She wisely replied that sometimes you just need to put it aside and give your feet a break from it and not really throw them away or discard them. Maybe after a recovery period, she goes, the shoes won’t hurt so much. That made sense, after all, stilettos do tend to be unkind to the feet. And so I took her advice and lovingly placed those favorite pair of stilettos in its box and set it aside for the meantime.

And then I forgot about it.

Last week, however, I was rummaging for something to wear and came across those stilettos again and decided to wear it once more. It felt a little funny at first, to have them on my feet, but after some time, it did bring that warm feeling back to me and it made me smile. I wore those shoes the whole day and noticed that they didn’t hurt as bad anymore.

But then I made the mistake of wearing it three days in a row and then remembered why I put it aside in the first place. Maybe my friend was right when she said sometimes, we have those shoes that we wear once in a while but must not overuse as the feet need a time out to recover a day or two from wearing it.

And so for now, I put aside those shoes again, but not inside the box this time, but just on my shoe rack. That way I won’t forget it is there for me to enjoy every once in a while. But yes, this time I will remember not to wear out the pleasure it brings by forcing it upon my feet way too often. In the wise words of Benjamin Franklin, nothing brings more pain than too much pleasure.

I guess I was reminded today today is that maybe I should wear different shoes more often. Sometimes the occasion calls for a new pair of shoes, sometimes it allows for a reunion with an old one that was once very much loved. Sometimes, too, there is a need to just wear flip flops or something that offers casual comfort, just like an old friend.

Much as those pretty stilettos brings my much pleasure (and yes, I do enjoy the attention it brings!), I set myself up for pain in the end. Maybe if I wore them less often and in the right time (yes, I used to wear my stilettos even for preschool teaching, obviously not very wise, right?), they wouldn’t break as easily or hurt my feet so badly.

And yes, maybe if I gave my feet a break from those shoes more often, then maybe, just maybe, I can find myself walking through the day better.

Photo credit: “if the shoe fits” by Steven Leggett, c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved

Old Shoe, New Shoe

Nothing brings more pain than too much pleasure - Benjamin Franklin

Sometime ago I wrote a post about this pair of stilettos I fell in love with. I wrote about how, despite the pain it would give me, I kept wearing it every chance I got. Then one day I told a friend of mine that maybe it was time to get rid of those shoes and replace them instead. They hurt too much already, I had said.

She wisely replied that sometimes you just need to put it aside and give your feet a break from it and not really throw them away or discard them. Maybe after a recovery period, she goes, the shoes won’t hurt so much.  That made sense, after all, stilettos do tend to be unkind to the feet. And so I took her advice and lovingly placed those favorite pair of stilettos in its box and set it aside for the meantime.

And then I forgot about it.

Last week, however, I was rummaging for something to wear and came across those stilettos again and decided to wear it once more. It felt a little funny at first, to have them on my feet, but after some time, it did bring that warm feeling back to me and it made me smile. I wore those shoes the whole day and noticed that they didn’t hurt as bad anymore.

But then I made the mistake of wearing it three days in a row and then remembered why I put it aside in the first place. Maybe my friend was right when she said sometimes, we have those shoes that we wear once in a while but must not overuse as the feet need a time out to recover a day or two from wearing it.

And so for now, I put aside those shoes again, but not inside the box this time, but just on my shoe rack. That way I won’t forget it is there for me to enjoy every once in a while. But yes, this time I will remember not to wear out the pleasure it brings by forcing it upon my feet way too often.  In the wise words of Benjamin Franklin, nothing brings more pain than too much pleasure.

I guess I was reminded today today is that maybe I should wear different shoes more often. Sometimes the occasion calls for a new pair of shoes, sometimes it allows for a reunion with an old one that was once very much loved. Sometimes, too, there is a need to just wear flip flops or something that offers casual comfort, just like an old friend.

Much as those pretty stilettos brings my much pleasure (and yes, I do enjoy the attention it brings!), I set myself up for pain in the end. Maybe if I wore them less often and in the right time (yes, I used to wear my stilettos even for preschool teaching, obviously not very wise, right?), they wouldn’t break as easily or hurt my feet so badly.

And yes, maybe if I gave my feet a break from those shoes more often, then maybe, just maybe, I can find myself walking through the day better.

Photo credit: “if the shoe fits” by Steven Leggett, c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved

Desiderata

Yesterday a dear, dear friend of mine offered me such wise words, as she very often does. While it may not be hers per se, it helped to be reminded of  to go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and that there is peace in silence, and that while things may be difficult, to be at peace with all of the chaos that surrounds, knowing that despite all of this, it is still a beautiful world. And that there is reason to keep striving to be happy.

Yes, she reminded me of Max Ehrmann’s Desiderata.

And the part that meant the most to me was this…

Desiderata

Yes, Tink, be kind to yourself. Be still and know that despite feeling like you’re caught in the eye of a storm, everything is unfolding the way it should.  Remember that always :)

 

 

 

In Transition

In the past month or so, I have come to accepting one thing: that I am in a stage of transition, lost somewhere between here and there, not knowing exactly where I am.

I'm that person who belongs neither here nor there, just floating in between. - author unknown

When it really started, I guess I don’t know, but I do realize that I have gotten to the point when I can say I cannot keep on being where I am or being too focused on the end goal alone. As my yoga teachers always say when I’m trying to learn a new asana: keep in mind that the destination or the final pose is not the only thing that matters, but that the journey to that asana is just as essential.

For the longest time I have been struggling with that: appreciating the ride to that final destination, that is. Although I must admit, I had welcomed the year with so much excitement and anticipation. What I did not realize, however, is that I had started out with so much expectations and a set of seemingly well-planned ideas that left very little for change, spontaneity, and in essence, for winds that blow elsewhere. As such, whenever I’d find myself in places where I did not expect to be, it would be difficult for me to respond. It doesn’t help too that finances are tight (maybe giving up my preschool job was not the brightest idea…haha) nor does it help that the economy isn’t getting any better. Writing my thesis (or at least trying to) isn’t helping much either, at this point in time. I just feel stuck, caught between that proverbial rock and a hard place, with no way out. Read the rest of this entry »

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