i am woman, hear me rawr!

The hot and sticky weather is taking it’s toll on me and even though I’m on my long-awaited two week vacation (no-pay vacation sadly!), I can’t get out of the rotten mood I find myself in. I guess waking up all sweaty can really take it’s toll on you, huh?

However, one thing that helps me get in a better mood is checking my blog’s dashboard and seeing a whole bunch of comments and entries for my blog anniversary contest. I want to take time out to say THANK YOU to my avid contestants!!! It’s shaping up to be quite a battle here I wish I could give you all prizes simply for joining!!! I hope you find your daily visits and entries worth the while.

Another thing that helps me battle my bad moods is the beach. I’m lucky that I have had a few trips down to Batangas lately and it has done a lot to help soothe my soul. I’m glad too that I will be going to the beach again, this time with Bubba, on Thursday!!!

Besides the hot weather, I think the kinds of food I eat and the lifestyle I’m keeping now is adding to the bad mood. That plus hormones!!! I think I have to add more omega-3 rich foods (which supposedly help stabilize moods) or take some supplements like the evening primrose oil or St. John’s wort I used to take as this helps balance out hormones too. Other pills such as phentermine can also help with mood swings (plus it helps with weight loss!. However, I personally try to stay clear of popping all sorts of supplements, whether herbal or not. Exercising is also supposed to be quite helpful in battling bad moods, but it’s too hot to do so!!!

In any case, I’m glad I have my blog to keep me happy for now

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Here’s another self-affirmation post: I love my long hair!

Since I’ve decided to make it a point to affirm myself every now and then, I am taking the time to look at what I love about myself, whether on the inside or out. For today, it’s the out that I will look at.

As I said, I love my long hair. This is the longest it’s ever been, and more than just being long, it finally has a nice, healthy sheen to it. Growing up I used to have terrible hair. When I say terrible, I mean it! It was kinky, matted and quite coarse. It was so bad I couldn’t let my hair hang loose. I’d always have to have it in a bun or cut really short. It was the kind of hair that one would probably have resembled an afro or looked good in those little braids that a lot of African American children have. The problem is, while I do like those looks, here in the Philippines it wouldn’t sit well, mainly because of the kind of weather we have.

For a long time, I had struggled with hair issues. Now, I finally got the kind of  hair I like. The only thing I worry about, however, is the fact that when I brush my hair, I seem to have so much falling hair. This kind of worries me because I have a family history of baldness. My dad, no matter what kind of hair loss treatment for men he had tried, still ended up with a balding head. Add that to the fact that my mom says I take after him a lot!

So, to care for my hair, I try my best to keep it healthy and conditioned well.  I do monthly deep conditioning treatments and when I have the extra money, I get a hot oil treatment as well. I also keep my hair tied up or covered whenever I am under the sun for prolonged periods of time and when possible, I try not to shampoo too often, since this dries up hair (or so they say). One thing I can’t help but do, however, is brush my hair when I come out of the shower. They say this is quite bad as it leads to split ends and that instead of brushing, I should just comb it. So far, I can’t get myself to do that!

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Another thing I love about going to the beach is how soft and smooth my skin gets after a quick beach getaway, especially my feet. The sand does wonders for them. My mom says its because the sand works well in exfoliating dead skin, which I guess is quite true since I feel the results. If only I could do it also in my face to remove all the blackheads especially around my nose area!

Seriously, though, the feeling of the sand beneath my feet is such a wonderful feeling. Of course it the sand is rocky, that’s not necessarily true but for the most part, walking barefoot in the sand is one of my most favorite feelings ever. It makes me feel so connected to nature and it touches something deep in my core. I used to tell my therapist that that feeling always gave me a sense of peace and balance which is why whenever I am stressed out, I make sure I head to the beach because by walking barefoot in the sand, I feel so much better. It’s kind of like the negative energy exits my body and is replaced by a sense of positivity and warmth. When my feet are happy, so is the rest of me.

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Being overweight sure does a lot of things to your ego.

I’ve noticed that since I’ve regained a lot of the weight I had previously lost, I’ve become more mean to myself. I tend to put myself down and joke about myself. I guess by hiding in the guise of humor, I’m able to hide away my insecurities about myself. Also, by bringing in humor, I appear like I don’t really care much about what people say when they see me waddle down the hall. Oops, there it is again: putting myself down.

Today I will take time to affirm myself: despite being overweight, I think I look pretty okay At times, I would even say I look good, or at least I carry myself well enough. That doesn’t mean though I still wouldn’t want to lose weight. I mean, if I come across safe diet pills I probably wouldn’t hesitate to take them, but in the meantime, I am trying to be kinder to myself, especially when it comes to weight issues.

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In a few months, my best friend Cookie will be marrying the man of her dreams awwww She has asked me to be her maid-of-honor, something I would gladly do but I won’t deny that this has caused me a lot of undue pressure!! Why? Well, for one I am way beyond fashionably curvy. In short: I’m fat. Yup, there, I said it.

I am getting anxious about what I have to wear, even though I know it shouldn’t matter, especially since it’ not my wedding anyway. Of course, trust me to make it all about me!!! Haha I remember the last time I did any of this wedding-related stuff was last April when our other best friend Cathy married her AJ. They all looked so pretty and sexy. I just looked pretty. I wish there were some slimming pills I could take to make me meet the wedding date deadline, I would. I’m a bit apprehensive about taking medicines though, but if I could, I probably would. That would be a quick fix, I know, but it would have to do in the meantime.

In any case, I know Cookie chose me to be in her wedding party not because of the way I look but because of the friendship we’ve shared. I’d definitely want to look as good as I can, however, especially since I am going to be part of her big day. Perhaps helping her prepared for the wedding can be inspiration enough to lose some weight.

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