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Beyond the Best Before Date

I wonder if there is an expiration date to emotions and memories. If, perhaps, one day I will wake up and realize that what I feel, both good and bad, is suddenly gone, like it just expired and time was up. Does it really end, or does it just change and evolve into something else?

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I can’t seem to fathom how memories can just fade away. Maybe it’s because I am such an intense feeler or perhaps it’s because I have been bestowed (I don’t know if I can call it blessed or cursed) with an exceptional memory for details. I remember the fullness of experiences, from the physical, to the emotions attached to it, and even the little nuances of the situation. People have told me I must learn to compartmentalize or to box things up, but for the life of me, I don’t know how. I want to, but I can’t. I do let go, at least I try to, but the memory just haunts me.

Today I am reminded of that dark nights journey I took not too long ago…four years today to be exact. I need not dig up my old blog posts about it and I have (as suggested to me once) gotten rid of my journals that documented that journey, but I remember every moment of it. And I am consumed by the feeling it brings me.

The one thing, I guess, I often forget, is the lessons I learn from these experiences. Maybe it’s because the memories and emotions become too overwhelming. Or too painful. Or too joyful for that matter. And because of that, I find myself pushing buttons or getting my foot in my mouth.

What’s that story about the moth and the flame? Yeah, that’s kinda like me. I remember how enthralling the flame is. I remember how painful it is to get burnt. I remember how captivating it is to play the edge. And so I do. Then I forget to be mindful. As a result, I end up singed all over again, this time with a new set of memories and emotions to haunt me.

So again I ask, will it ever expire? One day can I can look back and feel nothing at all anymore…no twinge of sadness or regret, no dashed hopes or nostalgia, and no sudden pang of owie-ness?

I think I need a box. A big giant one. But then again…will boxing it up actually make it stop existing? Sigh.

 

 

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check out my other blogs! Fat Girl No More | Daydream Believer | Teacher Ria | OnADietDaw