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Sometimes, Things Just Have to Change

There used to be a place where I would hideaway whenever my soul would feel tired and weary. However, last December, I had to bid my heart’s home farewell. I did realize, however, that even if the place was gone and things had changed, what it had brought to my life would never, ever change.

Despite that realization, however, I must admit that there are moments in time when I need to take a time out from the hustle and bustle of life to take a time out and just converse with my soul. While my beach weekends always brought me back to the core of me, I realized that these short trips I would take to just listen were just as meaningful to me. Last year after a particularly painful period of my life, I took a little road trip to Bag of Beans in Tagaytay and there I found the peace I was looking for. The drive, and everything that happened during the drive and in my brief stay there, really brought so much growth and healing to me. Since then I had found myself driving back to that coffee shop several times and each time I did,  I took away such precious gifts from it.

About two weeks ago, I found myself with that same restlessness once again and so I did what felt right. Right after yoga class, I got into my car and drove. I didn’t think I would end up in Bag of Beans (I had wanted to sit by the water in Nuvali instead and feed the koi) but the old familiar stirring in me just kept at it and so I went all the way to Tagaytay.

When I got there I was a wee bit disappointed because once more, they had rearranged the place and things were not the same. Not that it wasn’t nice, but I was looking for the comfort of the familiar. Sure there were bits and pieces that were the same, the food and hot chocolate was just as yummy, but still there was something different. I sat there for a good three hours,  occasionally having a tear or two roll down my cheeks, just listening to my soul and having my heart warmed with a few messages and reminders from some very special people in my life.

After about three hours, it suddenly started to rain, and I took that as a sign to pack up and leave. I left Bag of Beans less settled than I usually do and I tried to let that be but I guess I wasn’t paying too close attention to what it was telling me and because of it I messed up so many other important things around me by saying stupid things and doing things I knew better not to do. But then now, I guess, all I can say is I’m deeply, deeply sorry and that while I can never take it back (after all, as the saying goes, you can’t un-ring a bell), I can try to move forward and learn from those mistakes. It isn’t easy learning, but I’m sure I’ll get it someday.

In the meantime, I have to remind myself that sometimes, things just have to change. Perhaps that’s what my soul was trying to tell me that day I went to Bag of Beans and felt annoyed at the change that the place had once again. It was reminding me that I can’t always hold on so tightly to the familiar and keep running back to it when things aren’t good. In the same way, it was telling me that although there are certain facets that may change, what is essential, good and true, that remains steadfast and real, as long as I let it.

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

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