i am woman, hear me rawr!

Here’s a quick break from the drama I have been posting these past few days hehe Today I did my usual thing in the hospital where I do some psych work in and because I was alone for a change (I usually have a colleague or two working on the same day as me but this time it just so happened to be me) I decided to eat somewhere other than KFC where we usually eat. After all, it was kinda lonely to eat by myself in a place where I usually have companions, right (yes, I am sentimental that way haha). I had planned to just get something in 711 but as I was walking down the street, I saw a sign behind this store that had large amplifiers on the outside of their store (yes, they would be mistaken for Energy subwoofer speaker sellers). It read “Dunkin Donuts”. Funny, right? Who would have thought there was a Dunkin stall behind all those large speakers that were blaring all sorts of annoying songs.

Anyway, I decided to go get myself some munchkins and when I went in, I saw that the stall still carried the Dunkin bunwiches. Woot. I got myself a bacon, coleslaw and tomato one I remember though that they used to come as croissants, right? Nonetheless it was a yummy enough lunch And that is one thing I was grateful for today!

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There used to be a place where I would hideaway whenever my soul would feel tired and weary. However, last December, I had to bid my heart’s home farewell. I did realize, however, that even if the place was gone and things had changed, what it had brought to my life would never, ever change.

Despite that realization, however, I must admit that there are moments in time when I need to take a time out from the hustle and bustle of life to take a time out and just converse with my soul. While my beach weekends always brought me back to the core of me, I realized that these short trips I would take to just listen were just as meaningful to me. Last year after a particularly painful period of my life, I took a little road trip to Bag of Beans in Tagaytay and there I found the peace I was looking for. The drive, and everything that happened during the drive and in my brief stay there, really brought so much growth and healing to me. Since then I had found myself driving back to that coffee shop several times and each time I did,  I took away such precious gifts from it.

About two weeks ago, I found myself with that same restlessness once again and so I did what felt right. Right after yoga class, I got into my car and drove. I didn’t think I would end up in Bag of Beans (I had wanted to sit by the water in Nuvali instead and feed the koi) but the old familiar stirring in me just kept at it and so I went all the way to Tagaytay.

When I got there I was a wee bit disappointed because once more, they had rearranged the place and things were not the same. Not that it wasn’t nice, but I was looking for the comfort of the familiar. Sure there were bits and pieces that were the same, the food and hot chocolate was just as yummy, but still there was something different. I sat there for a good three hours,  occasionally having a tear or two roll down my cheeks, just listening to my soul and having my heart warmed with a few messages and reminders from some very special people in my life.

After about three hours, it suddenly started to rain, and I took that as a sign to pack up and leave. I left Bag of Beans less settled than I usually do and I tried to let that be but I guess I wasn’t paying too close attention to what it was telling me and because of it I messed up so many other important things around me by saying stupid things and doing things I knew better not to do. But then now, I guess, all I can say is I’m deeply, deeply sorry and that while I can never take it back (after all, as the saying goes, you can’t un-ring a bell), I can try to move forward and learn from those mistakes. It isn’t easy learning, but I’m sure I’ll get it someday.

In the meantime, I have to remind myself that sometimes, things just have to change. Perhaps that’s what my soul was trying to tell me that day I went to Bag of Beans and felt annoyed at the change that the place had once again. It was reminding me that I can’t always hold on so tightly to the familiar and keep running back to it when things aren’t good. In the same way, it was telling me that although there are certain facets that may change, what is essential, good and true, that remains steadfast and real, as long as I let it.

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

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Woke up a wee bit flu-ish today. I say flu-ish because I technically don’t have a fever, but I feel all warm and icky on the inside. Plus I have a migraine And my tummy hurts. Sigh.

Yes, I’m complaining again. I really should work on the not complaining better, I know, I know. Then again, isn’t it that blogging to release emotions or just to vent can be a good thing (according to my research’s review of literature that is, hehe). So yes, my brain is all loopy and I can barely think straight but I have a lecture to prepare for tomorrows 8am class. Can’t I just teach my classes via audio conference calls tomorrow? Keep me in my little bubble please. I’m germ-infested. Hehe.

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This is going to be random.

And perhaps pointless.

And just a rant, I suppose.

I’m tired.

That’s the only thought that seems to be in my head today.

I need a vacation.

Or an escape.

Take me to Paris please.

Or to Narnia.

Or Neverneverland for that matter.

I just need rest.

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It’s been a couple of months since I brought my baby home and well, we still are working on sleeping through the night. At times I feel like I would need one of those wireless baby monitors placed in our living room because he wanders around during the night and well, wreaks havoc!

Lately, though, he has finally started being more settled and sleeping longer. He is also more able to just stay in bed without pouncing around like he used to. Last night, for the first time, he slept through the night Yey. Yes, I know he did because I couldn’t sleep haha.

Oh, by the way…my baby…he’s a five month old black lab. Haha.

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I often think Bubba has never really forgiven me for bringing Joe into the family

Much as they have learned to get along and they bring so much joy to me as a whole, I think there’s a little part of Bubba that changed because of my seemingly random decision. He seems less happy than he used to be. Then again, maybe he has just gotten old He still runs to greet me when I get home and he snuggles next to me like we used to but because Joe is around, he doesn’t stay next to me anymore like before. When we go out for walks, he tolerates his brother but I feel less of a “bounce” in his step.  Maybe it’s just my imagination but I just feel like I broke him somehow by taking in a new dog,  even though my purpose for getting a new dog was so he’d have company.

Yesterday, however, I decided to take Bubba out for a looooong walk, just him and me, like old times. When we got home, he readily greeted Joe and then went on as usual. At bedtime, however, he immediately went back to his old place in the bed, right next to me, and stayed there almost the entire night.

It was such a nice feeling to have him there, and this afternoon, when I took a nap, for some reason Joe decided to stay outside of the room and let Bubba and me be together, just the two of us, for a bit. We had a good hour and a half long nap and when I got up, it was the old familiar Bubba’s face I saw

I suppose he just needed some time to be reminded of his place in the family, yes?  It reminded me of how my sister would often joke me about my things making “tampo” when it is about to get replaced (remember how the lcd of that old nokia (or was it the motorola? the one that needed phased out rzr parts to be repaired? haha) suddenly broke on the day when I was complaining that the phone was ugly na and needed replacing??? nagtampo raw kaya nasira! haha). And so yes, maybe Bubba was feeling that way and so I decided that maybe from now on, I should take the boys out on their separate walks and special trips every now and then and not always at the same time. After all, this is often times a recommendation I make in my psychological evaluations and I always highlight how making each child (yes, I know my children are dogs but just go with it!!! haha) feel affirmed and reminded of their value.

I am hoping that I have a long weekend or break soon so I can take Bubba to the beach again…maybe that will do us some good…just him and me, like old times

I do look forward, however, to also doing little trips with just Joe. And more especially to those trips I can do with both my boys with me

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Last night (at long last!) I got to catch movie night with several of my blogger friends. I was so glad to have had the chance to see the press screening of the upcoming movie, Contagion, and yes, even if I was sneezy and wheezy (but not contagious I promise!) I made sure to make my way to the Mall of Asia Imax theater for the screening. I was extra glad to have been invited to see the movie because flicks like this one are really the kinds of movies I like watching.

The film features big name stars Marion Cotillard, Matt Damon, Laurence Fishburne, Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Kate Winslet in a thriller film that is quite timely and relevant especially given the recent threat of the new strain of bird flu in this part f the world. Contagion is a film about the spread of a deadly epidemic and the CDC/World Health Organizations quest to find out more about the deadly virus and how it can be contained.

I must say it was quite a captivating movie, although admittedly, the plot lines are somewhat familiar and a wee bit predictable. Think Outbreak with Morgan Freeman and Rene Russo of years ago. Nonetheless it still is an good film to watch. I like how the film was not too “pretty” (for lack of a better word! teehee) and that the actors didn’t seem to mind looking old and wrinkly and not-so-pretty. I guess making them look that way really captured the emotions of the film even more. Even the costumes and wardrobe was quite simple (but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t nice! hehe. I loved Marion Cotillards outfits, after all. But yeah, the hospital workers had traditional suits on and no wink scrubs to make it look cute or what not haha). To some degree it kind of reminded me to focus on the basics and be reminded of the goodness of the human spirit. And of how life can indeed be quite short. Lastly, I like how the movie posed very interesting points about the medical profession, pharmaceutical companies and government agencies when it comes to dealing with biohazards such as live viruses, as well as the role social media plays (weee…my thesis is relevant after all mwahaha) in the spreading of information like a wildfire in a bush, so to speak.

Contagion is distributed by Warner Bros. and is set to open today in cinemas around the city.

Oh oh oh…but the major disappointment of the film was this….

Jude Law No, not his acting (and yes, I do love the fact that he was a blogger haha!) but but but….he was not as gwapo as usual. Teeheehee.

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