Sometimes, All You Need to Do Is Ask

In as much as dreams terrify me, there are some that simply make so many things so clear to me. In the past two weeks I have been dreaming a whole lot and yes, there were those days wherein I’d wake up with my heart racing and I’d be in tears from such terrible nightmares. Today, however, I took an unexpected nap and had quite an interesting dream.

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow".- Mary Anne Radmacher

In my dream, I woke up to a beautiful day. One that was so perfect for a yoga practice. That morning, I decided to try something new for a change, and so I went somewhere I didn’t really know and allowed myself to face a challenge. I drove to this beautiful place (I don’t know where it is and I don’t really know if it exists in real life). On the way there I was a little apprehensive, mainly because I didn’t know where it was but on the other hand, I was very excited because I was supposed to meet someone when I got there (who, I don’t really know but I felt that I was excited about it). I got there a little early, as I always do whenever I go out to do things and everything went well. When it was time to go home, I was tasked to follow this lady (who strangely seemed to me like Wonder Woman, except for the costume haha) and I had to be attached to her with this string that was wrapped around her waist and then connected to mine. As we walked, I felt that string get heavier and heavier and as we walked, she kept on going faster and faster and I couldn’t keep up. From time to time, I’d lean back so as to pull on the strap that connected us to slow her down and for a bit, she would but then she’d speed up again soon afterward, and she’d go so fast again until I could barely stand up because of the strap between us. And so I pulled and I pulled and I pulled until she turned to me angrily and said what the hell is the problem and I, cowering in fear, only had one word to say…I’m sorry. That got her even more riled up and she asked again what the problem was and why was I pulling her back because she was losing her balance when I’d do so. I tearfully explained that I couldn’t keep up and she looked at the way the strap was connected and said, you know, all you had to do was tell me to slow down and I would have. Suddenly that string that was so heavy and long already suddenly became very short and light. So much so that I didn’t have much to hold on to anymore, but we were still connected. At this time, we walked almost side by side then when I looked up at her, her face had changed…. she wasn’t like Wonder Woman anymore but she was this warm, kind woman, very much like a yoga teacher I once met, who had a beautiful smile and had warmth radiating in her eyes. She no longer looked like that physically strong domineering woman, but neither was she a weak and frail one. And she turned to me and said, remember, sometimes all you need to do is ask.

And when I woke up, I realized, I’ve been allowing myself to get too overwhelmed by so many problems lately. I’ve been trying hard to keep up with “Wonder Woman”, or the side of me who seems unaffected by things around her (at least on the outside) and so the side of me that needs to take things slow and to contemplate on the direction of things was having a hard time keeping up. Perhaps this is why I’ve been dreaming all too much lately. I needed to be reminded that sometimes, asking for whatever it is I need — be it help, affirmation, a pat on the back, a big hug, or some support for that matter — is all I have to do. Oh…and that I can say no if I wanted to.

So when I got up, I got myself a research assistant. Teehee. That’s a start, right? Maybe tomorrow I’ll have the courage to ask for the other things I need. For tonight, however, I will be content in knowing it is okay to not be “courageous”.

photo taken by Marshall Valencia, April 2009

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check out my other blogs! Fat Girl No More | Daydream Believer | Teacher Ria | OnADietDaw