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A Prison with Wheels

I used to love sitting in my car and driving down familiar roads. Much as driving has never been a favorite task of mine, I have always loved the freedom being in my car afforded me. I could sit through hours of traffic and be okay, with or without the radio blaring. At times I liked singing along to the music that played, and at times I loved sitting in the quiet stillness of that space.

Until now.

Lately I dread it.

Lately it brings me to tears, literally.

Lately I find myself breathless and panicky.

Lately I become engulfed in thoughts that I can’t let go of and that eat me up inside.

Lately I feel trapped in my little prison with wheels.

In the past week and a half I have tried to find ways to not be in that car because for the most part, being in it makes me feel claustrophobic and sungit. Sigh.

Maybe its just a reaction to things. Maybe it’s hormonal or one of those low testosterone symptoms I read about in some website (yes, even women have that hormone in their bodies as men also have some levels of female hormones in them! no, I haven’t gone crazy just moody haha). It just feels like all the bravery and courage I used to hold in me has fizzled out and it’s leaving me all flustered, frustrated and oh-so-tired. Or maybe I’m just getting old. Sigh.

I miss driving in my car and just enjoying the ride.

I miss being in it, just by my lonesome knowing I am okay no matter what.

I miss sitting in the quiet with nothing else but the sound of my breath, slow and steady.

I miss being the me who I was in my car.

I miss my little haven, my sanctuary of quiet, a space that was all mine.

 

  • #1
    Posted by The Ghost of A Girl I Used To Know | Thought Bubble Project on June 8th, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    […] last night I wrote a post in my other blog about how I missed being the me I used to know. That post was written in context of particularly being behind the wheel, but it dawned on me that […]

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