Today I took a wrong turn on my way to work and found myself in the little corner of the city where we last were together. I felt my breath get caught in my throat as a flood of memories came rushing in. Ironically, it had to happen today, right? Today of all days. Gah. I wasn’t so surprised, however, because you’ve been haunting my dreams a little extra these past few weeks.
I wouldn’t say it was an unconscious move in my part to pass that way, because honestly, I had no idea where I was. However, I missed the turn that I was supposed to take. I was tempted to backtrack a bit and go back to where I was supposed to turn but I couldn’t find a u-turn slot and so I just sucked it in, took a deep breath and stretched a bit, believing that somehow, I would find the way to where I was supposed to be. And I did. I just didn’t expect that along the way, I would find memories of you. What’s even more ironic (yes, this borders on cheesy and self-serving I have to admit) is that as I traversed that road, the Script was playing on radio and of course, that made tears well up in my eyes. Sigh. Yes, right at that moment, I felt exactly what that man who can’t be moved felt.
I wished hard, no scratch that, I PRAYED hard that I could forget but, well, I have a very good memory, remember and so I found myself taken back to that time and place, many, many years ago.
It was a difficult time for you, that time we last saw each other there, remember? When I came in to see you, you rushed to me and hugged me real tight and said you were so happy to see me. You thanked me for coming, if I’m not mistaken, because as we both know, we weren’t exactly in good terms when that happened. But earlier that night I received a call from your best friend telling me what had happened and that it would be nice of me to go see you and well, being the me that I am, I came. I was out with my girlfriends that night, and they were nice enough to accompany me there because I had no idea how to get there and errr…yes, that area of the city is like foreign soils to me. I sat with you for a time, and we talked. You tried hard to pretend you were okay but I knew you were hurting. But what else could I do, right? When it was time for me to go, you walked me to the car and hugged me again, squeezed my hand and said, thank you. Then you turned to my friends and said, please take care of her for me. They nodded, of course, and I never doubted they would take care of me as they always had all those nights I cried and needed someone by my side as I tried to pick up the pieces of my heart that had been broken. You turned back to me and leaned in to brush my cheek with your lips and kissed me for the last time. I’ll call you, you said as I walked away.
I have learned, however, to believe in signs and messages being thrown my way. And so I do believe that in many ways, this was a sign about something. Perhaps it wasn’t really a wrong turn, but a detour that I needed to take. Maybe it isn’t clear to me today, but I’m sure someday it will. As my yoga teacher always says when we do our forward bends, to fall forward we must first learn to fall backwards. Perhaps that’s what today’s random moment was all about. We’ll see. But yeah, being there, at that very moment, kinda felt like I fell back. And throughout the rest of the afternoon there was only one thing I could think and feel….
’cause if one day you wake up and find that you’re missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you’ll come back here to the place that we’d meet
And you’ll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street…
But who knows…maybe by then I’d fallen back enough that I finally, finally make it forward.