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Finding the Rainbow

It still surprises me to this day that many of the things I love the most are also the things I fear the most. The beach, for example, is my haven, a sanctuary, the place my heart and soul call home, but in the same breath, it where my biggest hurts and fears were born. Talk about polar opposites….beyond the safety and calm the ocean brings me whenever I am around it, embraced by the warmth of the sun and nestled safely in the comfort of the sand in the shore, I know of the hidden dangers that lie right beneath…a sudden riptide, creatures that sting, and a depth that perhaps I can never fathom.

In the same way, I fear the dark, quiet stillness of night when there is nothing left but me and silence, but in my heart of hearts, it is where I find peace and contentment, but only after letting go and surrendering to the fear can I find that. And so while being alone was always something I fear and it hurts me to bits at times, the quiet solitude and silence of being with just me is where my heart is most at home.

Polar opposites, I tell ya.

I used to think my goal should be to find a way to get rid of the fear and to put away the dislike for these not-so-good-sides. But then over the past year, I have come to realize that one, it’s impossible to do that and two, it’s pointless to even try because both sides are of equal value and potential. As my yoga teacher once put it, equanimity.

And so as I mark the start of a new year in my life, I have decided to stop just embracing the bright sunlight that comes my way and shunning the dark coldness of a night storm. I am making it a point to make each day count, no longer naming them good days or bad, but knowing full well that they both are necessary to be able to see the brilliant beauty of a rainbow. Like they always say, there is a rainbow that comes after a storm, right?

I have come to realize, however, that I should stop chasing these rainbows and trying to find the proverbial pot of gold at the end of it, or perhaps wishing to find that (as the song goes) somewhere over the rainbow. I have decided that maybe struggling in the storm —scratch that, I have begun to understand — does me no good but just leaves me tired and weak but it I just wait for it to pass, I can appreciate the rainbow even more when it comes. In essence, I have come to believe that by simply being right where I am, no matter what, is where I’m supposed to be.

So for this year I have decided to honor each and every day that comes my way. I couldn’t think of a better way to start in than by making a craft box for my thirty-second year to fill with daily reminders of what is essential in life.

To all those who were part of the year that had just ended, in whatever small or big way it was, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. And to those who have left indelible marks in my life, I am eternally grateful.

Here’s to a new year ahead 🙂

 

 

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