i am woman, hear me rawr!

Okay…call me a late bloomer and all but um…there’s a song I can’t get out of my head. It goes: baby, baby, baby, ooooh! gaaaaawd! Yes, I have Bieber brain.  For our school’s moving up day, the teachers and the kids decided they wanted to play Bieber songs for the program and since then, I can’t get it out of my head. Couple this with the upcoming Bieber movie and um, there’s no escping the Bieber fever, right??? Haaay! Hehe Gaaah…everyday of Baby Baby and Never Say Never (um…I think those are the titles haha).

Seriously though, I realized the whole fascination of the young ones for Justin Bieber must be very much like my fascination for NKOTB back in the day, right? I guess as much as there are lots of criticisms about him, he still is a pretty good role model for the tweens out there. This makes him an excellent spokesperson for certain issues and products, such as the Proactiv solution he endorses. In a way, having someone of his stature endorse this can allow tweens to feel more positive about their own self-image by letting them know that even people like Justin Bieber use things like the Proactiv acne and pimple fighting skin care solution to look the way he does and it’s not all there by some sheer miracle.

If I’m not mistaken, his movie comes out sometime end of March. Bieber fans can get a chance to see his movie for free! Proactiv is having a promo wherein the first 30 buyers can win tickets to the Justin Bieber movie. Follow Proactiv Solution Philippines on Facebook for more details and updates on other promos and freebies.

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The other day when I logged on to Facebook, I saw that one of my online friends had changed her profile picture to one where she is holding a wand and is pointing it towards a sign that says Hogwarts. I dismissed it initially as just another random thing people do but then today, it dawned on me that perhaps this is the start of the eager anticipation for the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’ long awaited sequel. If memory serves me right, it’s scheduled to come out in July,  so that makes it a little over a hundred days away, right???

I have always been a fan of the Harry Potter movie franchise, but to be honest, I’m not much of a reader. I remember reading the first three books but it took me forever to actually finish them because, like I said, I’m not really much of a reader. Well, maybe the right thing to say is that I don’t have much time to be one, even if I would want too. Anyway, although I know that watching the dvds of the entire series is not the same as actually reading it all, it will do

I am looking forward to really seeing the end of the Potter series, especially since I really don’t know what happened in the story. I’ve heard bits and pieces about it, but I still find out all on my own and I promise not to Google the ending or read the various wikis about Harry Potter until the end of the series!!!

Are you looking forward to going back to Hogwarts???

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One great contribution of art to mankind is the beauty it brings that gives joy and meaning to everyone even from street beggars, the picturesque made by an artist out of it is a masterpiece , the beauty of survival is there. Simple way of doing an art in everyday life leads an individual to have a potential to become an artist with high caliber of skills that made others amaze on his work. More appreciative are the masses, they can tell what is the exact meaning of a true master design of arts and they will surely look and find for it.

Good thing, Scottsdale Art Gallery finds ways to reach out people like you who craves for a true artistic work. This art gallery offers a lot of artistic styles, designs and imaginative inventions made by skillful artisans. The articulate elegance of every twisted styles and schemes of creation shown on items sold in art gallery gives you more convenience to identify your favorite artistic product and it gives you more to select. Where else can you find a gallery that you can find for the best items of artistic projects by skilled individuals? Only on this place so why settle for another gallery? Invite your friends and keep collecting pieces of well refined arts items.

Explore more on Scottsdale fine art portraits and select the best fine art portraits which please you! Lifelong benefit of art collection will soon become your investment, so start collecting now!

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Today I got to thinking about what I would give up for lent since Ash Wednesday was quickly approaching and this would mark the start of the 40-day season. Then as I was stuck in traffic the answer came to me loud and clear:

I AM GIVING UP MOBILE INTERNET FOR LENT

Clarification though: mobile internet pertains to logging on to my mobile phone via Smart Internet. Yes, I am sooo bad I do this almost always and quite often. Just go ask Smart haha. However, free wifi hotspots are fair game

What’s your lenten sacrifice???

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When I was younger, I used to love this little novelty store that sold all sorts of craft boxes, memo pads and notebooks, all from recycled materials. Back then, Papemelroti was mostly just a little kiosk in some local malls. I remember the only store I could recall from back then was the one in Megamall which was somewhere near a cross-stitching store, which was actually why I discovered it. I loved how I can just get lost in that little store, admiring the cutey patootey note pads with such cute doodles. Next to the section with school and office supplies in the bookstore, it was where I liked to disappear in for hours on end.

Late last year, at the height of my note-writing phase, I rekindled my love for Papemelroti when I came across the cutest notepads in a department store in Alabang.

When I realized Papemelroti was still around, I decided to check it out in Megamall. I was disappointed when I couldn’t find it and I told my friend about it then she gave me the most welcome news: it was still there, just in a different area. Woot. And not only was it still there, it now has a NICE NICE store!!! Besides the one in Megamall, there are also branches in SM Southmall and Glorietta 4.

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A few weeks ago I got a notice from the post office that I had a parcel from one of those photo sharing and personalizing sites I explored over the holidays. They were offering free products for new members and of course, who says no to freebies right? I liked it so much that I even told my sister about it so she can see if that would inspire her with something for her wedding favors. Online, I told her, are so many sites that offer quick, affordable and personalized gifts for anniversary, wedding, baptism or birthday. I would have loved to make her wedding favors as I have done for many of my friends, but due to the fact that I am here in Manila and she is all the way in Sacramento, it wouldn’t be cost-effective anymore. I showed her this photo of my dog with his new loot and she said she is considering my initial recommendation of just going online to get her favors. Unless, of course, she ends up with the personalized M&M’s that she wanted haha.

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I’m praning.

Yes…I’ve never really been very good at just trusting in a process unless I know what it entails or believing in what people say unless there is proof.

That’s why I do very good at work and the whole bureaucracy of things. Even though I don’t like having to deal with red tape and the pasikot-sikot of things, and though I may complain or throw a fit, I go do it, because I know that’s how a process works. But when it comes to dealing with my emotions, and consequently, relationships, I’ve never been good at trusting the process, to just go with it. That’s also why I don’t let people come close.  I would always search for evidence, or ask for reassurance, or find ways to seek that at least.  I’d need to be told and validated. Often.

And so in the absence of evidence, or when things suddenly change, or when I don’t feel validated and sure, I find myself completely and utterly lost.

I guess it’s because I always tend to second guess myself and wonder why things are the way they are, especially when it comes to just trusting in people’s motives and authenticity. Granted that old wounds and deeply rooted scars play a big role in that, it also comes from that little voice inside my head that taunts me, telling me are you sure all the time. Sometimes it cajoles me into thinking that people think badly of me or that they think poorly of me, even if there is no logical reason for me to think that way. At it’s worst, it tells me I am not liked (errrr…yes, like that song: nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I’m gonna eat some worms…haha…random much ). Then what happens is I get stuck in that until someone pulls me out and knocks some sense into me.

I always used to chalk that up to my constant need for affirmation, but tonight as I drove home, it dawned on me that perhaps its more of a need for approval and not just affirmation (although, yes, they may stem from the same thing) that drives me crazy. Well, I guess that it’s both of them in collusion that makes me feel like I am on slippery slopes from time to time, especially when I am faced with something new and unfamiliar.

It hit me that up to now, the need to be liked and approved of is still very important for me. It’s something that I guess I have not been able to let go off…self doubt. That was the biggest challenge, I suppose. It’s not that people weren’t approving of me, or that I wasn’t appreciated or loved, but that I wasn’t approving of myself as I continuously questioned myself and blamed myself over and over.  I’m still struggling, I guess, to just the trusting that at the end of the day, I am liked, loved and approved of even when I screw up (or when I think I screw up because apparently, many times I don’t haha).

And the thing is, it isn’t always coming from others, but it comes from me. Bottom line, I suppose, what I’ve realized is that I really just have a hard time believing in myself and in my place (whether this be at work, with family, with friends…in general!) under the sun. Let me put it this way: when I got the results from my comprehensive exam, and saw that 3 out of the 5 scores were rated excellent and the other two high pass (which were the two highest possible ratings), I had to talk to the program adviser to ask her if she was sure I got the right grades. Yes, I was that paranoid.In the same way, I try to seek what is familiar and sure, just so I can feel validated. In many ways, up to now, that’s how I navigate through things…I look for the approval of many, giving myself credit only when I get that. However, these past few weeks I have been wading in both shallow and not-so-shallow waters, mainly because I am losing many things that are familiar to me…”Teacher Ria” for one, the certainty of a monthly paycheck even if it isn’t much, the comfort of routine….and so I started to question, kick and scream (well, metaphorically).  However, as I had to navigate that waters there’s one thing I came to learn: to believe. Just believe.

The light of starry dreams can only be seen once we escape the blinding cities of disbelief. ~Shawn Purvis

I’ve come to realize that believing doesn’t mean no questioning at all, but that the questions come more as wondering in curiosity but no longer in constant search of a definition. I’ve begun to understand that to believe means yes, you still look for signs and you don’t just leave it all up to fate, but that you don’t get fixated on looking for it because I miss out on what is right there. And most of all,to believe takes time, letting things simmer and waiting for it to unfold without force when the time is right. Yes, I of little patience, have started to accept that fact that while I often used to say if patience is a virtue I can just live virtue-less instead, that I was wrong, and that it is indeed important to cultivate. With these, I can learn to believe and just go with it, even if.

in true synchronous fashion, I came across this bookmark yesterday when I was cleaning my table. It was one I had bought as a Christmas present supposedly that I never had a chance to give…I guess it was meant to be left behind to remind me of the value of learning to believe, right???

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Okay…so I have come to believe in the power of the Universe and the Law of Attraction, right? Today, however, I have to write myself this note:

Lemme put it in context: last week, after lunch, my cousin Bee and I decided to take Bubba for a walk. While walking, we were talking about how I was feeling about certain things that were going on with me, what with me resigning from work, feeling a little lost with regards to that and other things around me, as well as the fear of losing half of my salary come end of March. Egaaad. Then I jokingly said, I’m a hairs breath from giving in to the working abroad idea.

For the longest time, I have really made it known that I don’t want to live and work abroad. I love it here too much after all. Besides, I feel like there’s still so much more I have to do here if ever I do decide to make that change. Anyway, in our conversation, I finally said, Sige na, alam ko na…mag yayaya nalang ako dun, parang yung Nanny Diaries lang (okay, okay, I’ll go be a Nanny there instead, just like the character in the Nanny Diaries). Who knows, I may end up in Paris or in Europe, or  I can even get to see the Greek Isles, tour America and stay I end up nga in Paris and get to stay in those luxury new york city hotels. Of course I said that in jest and we had a good laugh throughout our walk.

When we got a bit serious, we talked about how the power of attraction works and calling things out to the universe and all. She told me about an experience she had just the day before when she said she had a feeling she was going to run into her friend in a nearby mall, which was unlikely because she very rarely goes there, and lo and behold, they did run into each other. I also told her how it’s funny that I have a knack for being in sync with some of my friends. For example, there are times when I will text a friend randomly and then I’d get a reply that says how did you know I needed that right about now??? My answer, I dunno haha.

Anyway, I had dismissed that uber random conversation my cousin and I had and since then, I had virtually forgotten about it. Today, however, when I opened my email, I saw this:

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

I literally burst out laughing when I read it because I couldn’t believe it when I read the subject of the mail. Yes, granted I know it is spam, it still made me laugh. Of course when I read it I had to text Bee right away. We were laughing our heads off, I swear

I did smile, however, when she got serious and replied “Nanny Ri? Di bagay, Teacher Ri nalang. Pang changing lives ka, di diapers. But what a coincidence to get the email men!!!!” (Nanny Ri? Doesn’t suit you. Teacher Ri sounds better. You’re meant to change lives, not diapers)

So, yes, the Universe does listen I better stop giving mixed signals then, right? Dear Universe, three months in Paris for a creative writing course please. Je t’aime, au revior.

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