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Bittersweet Weekend

I’m getting ready for a sorta bittersweet weekend.

*sigh*

Because I so often go to this beach resort in Laiya, I didn’t bother to log on to their website before booking my weekend with Bugoy but for some reason, tonight I decided to just check on something and I was greeted by the saddest news. They’re closing. Waaaah….

*heart breaks*

It saddens me so much because Balai has truly become a home away from home for me. It is where I went and found comfort in my darkest night and so every time I go there, it reminds me that no matter how difficult or sad I may be, there is a way home to where my heart really is whole and happy. And so since I’ve been faltering and flailing these past few days, I decided to go there and take care of my heart.

But but but….now I’m wondering if I’m making the right choice with going. Although…..according to their website they are opening in a new location nearby. While I know it won’t really be the same place anymore, I still hope that the new Balai in San Juan will maintain it’s rustic feel….which is why I fell in love with it in the first place even if they have so many newer places nearby, complete with infinity pools with poolside bars, internet/wifi capability with rack mount computers and cybernooks, and so on and so forth. Balai, on the other hand, only has very simple cottages that I just love. Plus they don’t even have television, much less internet. Yes, it is the one place where I can be offline and not feel so alone.

The upside, I guess, is that it allows me to close a chapter in my life’s journey. But on the other, I kinda wish it didn’t have to happen now because of all the changes that are coming my way that have been so overwhelming already….such as leaving my job, saying goodbye to the old and familiar, “losing” friends (errr…yes, I know they’re not lost really), and so on and so forth….and now I have to say goodbye to Balai. Saaaadnesss…..

But…I’m gonna hold on to the one silver lining: going there this weekend, bittersweet as it may be, will allow me to say I have gone full circle. I hope when I leave there on Sunday I will know I had made the right choice. And when I leave, I hope I find my way back to my heart. Oh…but please remind me not to leave my heart behind anymore because this time, there’s no going back.

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check out my other blogs! Fat Girl No More | Daydream Believer | Teacher Ria | OnADietDaw