Things That Go Bump In The Night

....I see the moon and the moon sees me The moon sees the somebody I'd like to see. God bless the moon and God bless me God bless the somebody I'd like to see....

Oh….this isn’t a Halloween post.

Although that would have been a good title, wouldn’t you think? Haha. Pardon the random flow of thoughts. It’s 2 AM (oooh…sounds like the starting lines of one of my favorite Anna Nalick songs!….gah…focus, Ri, focus) and I tried to go to bed and just as I felt myself drifting to sleep, those little things that go bump in the night reared it’s ugly head.

Yes, these things that go bump in the night are restless thoughts jumping all around in my head, despite all efforts to be still. From reminders of what I have to do the next day, tasks that have been left undone, to old and new memories that stir up whatever feelings in me, they suddenly come rushing in. Just as I am falling asleep. WHY??? I’ve been trying to figure that out lately why it creeps up at night, or comes to haunt for that matter, because seriously, I really, really need a good night’s sleep free from weird, interrupting and sometimes fearful dreams. I haven’t had that in months…well, to be fair it comes every once in a while, one night of reprieve from the buzzing, bumping thoughts. Usually they come after really, really good days where I feel safe and secure.

So…where does all this come from? I wish I knew. My guess is that I’ve really just spread myself too thinly (haha…if only I spread my physical body too thinly instead, haha, then maybe, just maybe I would have met my goal weight already!!!), especially since I have to admit I am doing a lot.

Also, perhaps its that I am giving myself so much restrictions again, thus making me antsy. For one,  a part of me kinda feels trapped in this little confined space because there are things I want to say but can’t. Secondly, while I may have this sense of frustration about things around me, I try to dismiss it because it’s the right thing to do and I have yet to find a good way to make amends with that.

Perhaps it’s also little fears and insecurities that creep in…such as while I am at peace with the fact that I’m leaving my preschool teaching job at the end of the school year, what happens then? What happens, too, if I do decide to do the writing thing that I so want to do? Um…what if that thing I have to do that I refuse to do doesn’t turn out right??? Uh-huh…those random thoughts that come in, unrelated to one another but there nonetheless. So I suppose that’s part of why these things come bumping in the night.

I guess also it’s the tiredness of the day that just needs to be shaken off. It’s just funny that during the day I can transition nicely from my different jobs and I am able to do very well in whatever task I am attending to without losing my focus. In fact, much as I hate math, figures and statistics, I bet if I cared enough to do so, I’d be able to manage a stock market portfolio or to figure out those Forex margin management things my business friends talk about all the time.

But at night, just before I sleep, when I am relaxed and still, they pounce. On the good side,  however, I was just going through the last few weeks of posts I’ve made and I realized that many of them are born from the night. Metaphorically, I suppose this is the way I can let head “breathe” and expel all the excess energy (I won’t call it negative, because there are a lot of good thoughts in there too).

So tonight I decided to let myself breathe a bit, hence this post. I am trying to listen (hence the random thoughts that pop in every now and then harhar!). And perhaps soon, I will know 🙂

nytnyt peeps.

don’t let the bed bugs bite.

♥, yapatoots

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check out my other blogs! Fat Girl No More | Daydream Believer | Teacher Ria | OnADietDaw