A few months before Teacher Alice, our school directress who was more like a mother to us than anything, passed away, she took me and my co-teachers to the warehouse of Booksale. We went crazy picking books. I fell in love with one of those Hallmark-like inspirational book with lots of nice illustrations. It was a bit on the high end, price wise, so I decided to forgo it. Little did I know that when we’d get back to school, she would give it to me
One of my favorite pages in the book is this one, mainly because it speaks of one of the things I love most: the sunshine.
In many ways, the quote really describes who I am, at least in the way I interact with others. While I may not be a bright-eyed optimist when it comes to myself, I definitely am a bright, sunshiney person for others. Perhaps this is why people refuse to believe that I am a shy and introverted (yes, and deeply dark) person. I guess this is partly due to my job as a preschool teacher where I have to really be super happy and pleasant all the time. Also, one thing I do a lot of, both consciously and unconsciously, is bring some sunshine to people who may need it. As my friend T always says, for some reason whenever she is iffy about things, talking to me brightens and cheers her up (and seriously, I don’t know what it is I say but… ) and that despite my resistance to take on the task, I would make a good therapist (um….menolikey!!!). That’s why every now and then she rides home with me from work, even though it’s kinda more hassle for her since she still has to take a jeepney ride from where I drop her off, as compared to a bus ride that goes all the way straight. And like the quote says, the more I am able to share my sunshine, the more I am able to see it for myself. Being able to share my sunshine really means a lot to me. Inwhatever way I am able to do this, on purpose or not, allows me to also feel bright and shiny myself . It makes me feel so fulfilled and content, and that I am living up to what exactly I am here for. I suppose this is also why I make it a point to honor and acknowledge my feelings, both good and bad, because it allows me to tap into that sunshine, even if for myself only and in the same way, this is why blogging and writing means so very much to me. This is why whenever I feel troubled or low, I get even more agitated when I am unable to write because in many ways, writing is my sunshine.
So today after a rough week of rains, cold weather and dark clouds (like I said in my previous post, Welcome to my World of Quasi Sunshine, the weather taps into a sad part of me), as well as an overwhelming amount of stress that suddenly besieged me , the sun finally shone for a bit, although the loud roar of thunder would come every now and then. I refused to let myself go on a downward spiral but I was simply too hurt and too tired because of everything that happened this week so I had to admit I was feeling sad and down. As I put it, I had to make way for a wee bit of darkness. I started off by cleaning out my closet, tossing out over half it’s contents. I then threw out old papers and things that I no longer needed. But I was still feeling low. So finally, I did what I knew I had to do, despite me still being quite fearful and uncomfortable with it at first, be still, listen and just breathe. As things began to settle, the cloudiness in my head dissipated and I was able to write myself a few notes, tie them in little bows and add this to my box of thoughts, dreams and prayers.
Also, by being still and letting this darkness be for a bit, I was suddenly reminded of the book Teacher Alice gave me.
So I dug it out from my box, and decided to create my own sunshine. I dubbed this as Project Sunshine. Suffice it to say, I assumed I’d finish the whole thing today…but I started at 12 noon…and it’s just about 1 am and I’m not even half-way done I guess, however, that that’s a good thing….at least the next time I need some sunshine I know what I have to do right? So here’s phase one of Project Sunshine I’m kinda thinking if I should add more rays for the sun because it’s kind…asymmetrical and I kinda like things balanced hehe. Yes, I do see, however, that the proportions are kinda off hehe. (oh, and yes, that’s my closet )
I chose to do this mosaic style because it also taps into something very meaningful to me
So today, I created sunshine and chased rainbows…cutting those art papers and forgetting to turn of f the fan was not my most brilliant idea I tell ya!!! My fingers, my back and and shoulders hurt soooooo much right now from pasting and fitting the pieces all day long, but my heart and soul are back to being at peace and content, and once more I am full of gratitude and joy.