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Today’s Thought Bubble: Sun Shines Through

Today I woke up to not only a beautiful day, but a more rested self after weeks of struggling with a lot of angst and darkness. The sun was shining brightly and I could feel it’s warm rays pour in through my window and unlike my customary “crap it’s morning” feeling, I actually smiled. It was a good morning.

I got up and gave in to my Bubba’s request to take him for a morning walk. I threw on some clothes, put on my iPod and got going. I grabbed my phone, as I usually do, so I could stay logged on while we walked, but at the last minute, I felt the urge to just leave it behind…and for once, I listened.

As I walked I whispered a word of thanks for the sun and for it’s warm embrace. Yes, I love the sun! I love how it’s warmth seems to reach to the very core of me and make me feel like I am being held in a big, tight hug. It wasn’t long before I felt a sense of peace and calm take over me and something in me told me to keep walking and listen. After two rounds around the village park, I waked Bubba home and went on to walk some more. I walked so long, I think I got tanned from the sun!

It’s been a long time since I had that insatiable need for a walk and at first, it kinda surprised me. While I do recognize that I have really stepped up my weight loss efforts, today’s walk was not fueled by that, but by a stirring of something inside me. In hindsight I recognize it now as my Dark Night, coming by to remind me to be still, to listen, to believe, to trust, and to stop questioning.

As I walked, I just focused on my breathing and just let my mind go blank, which is something I usually struggle to do (such as right now…thoughts colliding and going at warp speed!). And in my letting go of everything in my head, the darkness started to lift and the sun shone through. It warned me, however, that this doesn’t mean that the darkness is not going to be around, hovering in the nearby distance, but that I can make some space between us where both the darkness and light can co-exist in peace, knowing that both of them are essential elements in who I am.

And in those moments of silence with just me, my soul and I, I was reminded to just breathe and to not dwell on things that need not to be dwelt upon.  Being by myself allowed me to understand, accept and make peace with what is, without struggling, without asking or questioning and simply trust that everything is as it should be, just because that’s the way it is and that even if it seems unclear to me right now, I will look back one day and see how right it was for me.

I took that feeling with me for most of the day, but towards the evening, as always, my nighttime thoughts come to hound me and just when I felt I was getting unhinged, the Universe sent me a gentle reminder…“The outside affects the inside. Just as the inside affects the outside. They’re all connected”.

14/365

  • #1
    Posted by Bong on September 10th, 2010 at 11:38 pm

    really cute dog! 🙂 to more bright and nice days 🙂

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