Kicking the Habit

make the voices go away....

Just last night I got into this long discussion with a good friend about habits and addictions and I realized that I really have to work harder at getting rid of all these ineffective patterns I keep hanging on to. As I walked this morning, I tried to think about why I keep doing it, despite repeated efforts to break the chains these habits and patterns have over me. Even after all these years of searching and trying and thinking I make progress, at the end of the day I find myself falling back into these things….emotional eating, wallowing in self-pity, catastrophizing trivial things then feeling bad about it, feeling so alone, unloved and eeeewwww….

Why, oh why can’t I let go?!?

Then I remembered one of my favorite quotes from Grey’s Anatomy about breaking addictions (yes, I know I watch to much of Grey’s Anatomy!)

Anyway, here’s a bit of the Grey’s wisdom that came to mind:

I think the hardest part of kicking a habit is wanting to kick it. I mean, we get addicted for a reason, right? Often, too often, things that start out as just a normal part of your life at some point cross the line to obsessive, compulsive, out of control. It’s the high we’re chasing, the high that makes everything else fade away.

And so it kinda made sense to me, why I keep doing these things. I keep clinging on to it because, despite the discomfort it brings me, it is the familiar. It is what I know. It gives me a sense of knowing what to expect and how to keep afloat, at least for the meantime.

I guess there are really no easy solutions or quick answers to these things. If physical addictions, such as smoking and the like, are already so difficult to break despite all the presence of external support systems (i.e. nicotine patches, gums and those new electronic cigarette thingies), what more internal ones? As Meredith Grey continues,

The thing about addiction is it never ends well, because eventually, whatever it is that was getting us high stops feeling good and starts to hurt. Still, they say you don’t kick the habit until you hit rock bottom, but how do you know when you’re there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes letting it go hurts even worse.

One thing was made clear to me last night, however:

I will let go, even if it hurts like hell.

P.S. random thought: pardon the Grey’s overload….I’m just so excited about the new season coming in by month’s end 🙂

Photo credit: “251:365: Schizophrenia” by Janine, c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved

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check out my other blogs! Fat Girl No More | Daydream Believer | Teacher Ria | OnADietDaw