4/365. Too tired for words. And when I say tired, I don’t just mean physically.
4/365. Too tired for words. And when I say tired, I don’t just mean physically.
I think it goes beyond saying that everyone is on a continuous quest for happiness. The thing is, we tend to think to focus on things that aren’t going well for us or that need to be done better that we miss out on the little bits and pieces of happiness that come our way.
For me, I think I miss out on a lot because I tend to overthink things and to put too much value into what others are saying rather than what is important to me. I also tend to push aside things I WANT for what I THINK is right. For others, the reason why happiness is elusive is because they are too driven by what society dictates that they are no longer able to enjoy what is present for them.
I think the important elements of being truly happy include finding what your passion really is, nurturing your soul and caring for your self along the way. I do recognize, however, that living up to these is a different story. So today I draw inspiration from a fellow blogger friend of mine, Iris, who, despite all the challenges around her, is making a conscious effort to work on her Project Happiness. For her, this comes in the form of being a baker with her online bake shop, Project Happiness Bakehouse. With this project, she explores her creative side and does what it is that makes her truly happy: bake all these beautiful and yummmy cupcakes and pastries. Her masterpieces are not just ordinary cakes but personalized and perfect for themed parties (do contact her if you need a wholesaler for a special occasion). Although I can see her decision to do this has not been a bed of roses all the time, I think it truly makes her happy, so that’s all that counts.
This weekend I found myself face to face with a question about my relationship status that I hadn’t seen in so long: so, why is it complicated?
For a moment there, in a brief flashback, I saw myself back at a time where I was a heartbroken mess, confused and betrayed by someone I had thought I loved and lost in a place I wouldn’t wish on even my worst enemy. *toink*
I guess it’s something I haven’t really consciously thought about in a long time, but part of me still knew it was there somewhere. Then all of a sudden, there it was again, out in the open for me to deal with. Strangely so, this came just a few hours after I caught myself doing something I swore not to do again: stalk someone online. Duh! *toink uli!*
The funny thing is, while I have chosen to not face that question in such a long time, I realized that in many, many ways, it still played a big role in the way I was living my life and in the decisions I have chosen to make. And as always, the Universe found the right time for me to face up to this again.
It’s been a few days (and about a thousand dead brain cells later) since then but I can’t help but think about: why nga is it still complicated after all these many, many years??? Why can’t I just let go and move on from then?!?
I suppose it’s because I have always believed that letting go and moving on meant devaluing what that part of my life meant. To let go means to not care about it anymore, but somewhere deep inside me, I cannot find it in me to not care anymore. I still wanted to (and to be honest, I still want to) hold on to some parts of that time in my life. And yes, some of those came from him.
Off-hand, it would be easy to say just let go. The thing is, how can I let go of a period in my life that was wonderful? This goes beyond just him and me, but there were so many beautiful things that coincided, and to some degree, are part and parcel, of that time in my life.
I guess the problem is that I had the mindset that letting go and holding on are two completely separate constructs that are mutually exclusive. But when I stop and really think about it, is it really?
Today I realize that letting go and holding on exist nicely together, each playing its part in the formation of a better me, and that letting go does not have to mean complete release, but just removing the bits and pieces of hurt and pain, as well as regret and longing, but holding on to what is true and pure and essential to my soul. And so I open my eyes and my heart, and believe that, as my dear friend Pi likes to say, somehow I will be able to connect the dots and see how all of these have made me who I am today.
So is it still complicated? I guess not
Um….sometimes, there are questions that just don’t need to be asked hehehe
I found the most FABULOUS pair of shoes last Saturday. To top it off, it was 40% off. From the time I tried it on, it was love …however, because I had promised myself that I would be a less impulsive shopper, I told myself to sleep on it before making a decision…yes, that despite the fact that my heart was shouting (not to mention those shoes!) “buy me, buy me!”. I managed to hold out till this morning and all through the day I was thinking about whether I should or shouldn’t.
I must say, however, fate had a hand in deciding this for me today: on my way up to work, my shoe broke.
And the answer: to shop. Woot.
I’ve been thinking of a Project 365 since April and I think I finally got the inspiration for it….even though it’s quite late in the game hehe. I’m gonna go find me a good day to start this so in the meantime, here’s a sneak peek
UPDATE: on second thought: why not start today, right? Since I don’t have the patience to take and upload photos on a daily basis, I will be using a wide array of photos from my library. My goal is to share a thought for everyday Unlike my Gratitude Journal Project 365 attempt last year, I won’t force myself to only have happy thoughts everyday and to focus on what I am grateful for. For Today’s Thought Bubble, it will really be putting together random thoughts that come to me on a daily basis. I hope I am able to keep up with this and that you follow me daily
So here it is…. 1/365 Today’s Thought Bubble: Gratitude.
Yup, here’s another update on the movie that I’ve been waiting for for sooooo long, Eat Pray Love!!!
For those who are unfamiliar with the story, it is the real life account of Liz Gilbert (played by Julia Roberts) and her quest to find herself and happiness after a bitter divorce and at the face of a dark night of the soul. I loved how she says: “I want to marvel at something”. And marvel she did…in her year of “I”, she experiences the simple pleasure of eating in Italy, the power of prayer in India, and, finally and unexpectedly, the inner peace and balance of love in Bali.
Eat Pray Love is produced by Brad Pitt, directed by Glee’s Ryan Murphy and stars Julia Roberts, James Franco, Richard Jenkins, Billy Crudup, and Javier Bardem. Eat Pray Love is set to open soon (October 6 according to the Facebook page! Weee!) across the Philippines and is distributed by Columbia Pictures, local office of Sony Pictures Releasing International. Visit www.sonypictures.com.ph to get the latest movie news, video clips, games and free downloads. Check out Columbia Pictures on Facebook and join their fan contests. I wish they have EPL contests soon…and more so…I hope I win!!!!
I guess for those who know me, it is no secret about how much of a Grey’s Anatomy fan I am. Although I got discovered it late (yes, may season 1 dibidi na nung na-discover ko ang Grey’s ), I quickly got hooked on it like crazy. So much so that even though I had a sucky internet connection then, I still made every effort to catch episodes on You Tube when they were uploaded and before it was taken down for copyright infringement. I swear those were the days!!!
In many ways, the six seasons of Grey’s Anatomy have evolved in synchronicity with my own evolution and growth. What I mean here is that I resonated with many of the issues, needs and concerns that were raised in various ways in the show, be it by the lead characters or by the storyline itself. I saw myself in many of those places: dealing with Alzheimers, picking up the pieces of a broken heart and feeling like the “dirty ex-mistress”, being stuck at an impasse, feeling invisible…As a whole, the little narratives Meredith would give at the start and the end of the show often drove home bits and pieces of wisdom that I really needed at that time.
At one point, I even blogged about how Seattle Grace hospital became an apt metaphor for what I was going through at that point in my life. In many ways, it was what kept me sane and grounded at a time when I was not able to make sense of what has going on around my life.
In the last season, I was able to see how far the characters have grown and when I stop to think about it, it is also very much like my personal growth (yes I am making it about me again hehe!) . In as much as Meredith struggled to know who she was and embrace her identity, that’s what I am doing too.
What I appreciated most was how Meredith was able to reconcile her identity as a surgeon and as a wife. It reminded me that being in a relationship does not need to mean losing who you are to begin with, but to adapt and evolve to become a better you. This was built upon later on as Meredith explained to Cristina that “it used to be me and you only but now its me and Derek and me and you” and that these two sides of her have to exist together. That made me recognize the value of really honoring all the different facets of your life, and that these different sides of you co-exist with each other, without one being of more value than the other.
While the show put things in context of relationships, I guess the same is true about one’s self, especially since we take on many different roles: friend, daughter, sister, colleague, teacher, mentor, etc. etc. I see how at times these roles override each other, which should not be the case. This is so true for me today especially since I’ve been trying to find a good balance between my different sides.
I hope the upcoming season (which starts mid-September) will continue to give me the bits and pieces of wisdom I so enjoyed in the past